Tears and Words Can't Describe...

I don't even know where to begin. I do know one thing I will do and that's tell it from the heart. Sweet memories are all that remain of our precious and furry baby Oscar. Nov. 28th he got out of the back yard and wandered down our driveway. I'm guessing he was trying to venture across the road but he didn't make it barely 1/2 way there. Those of you that really know Oscar know that he is one of the slowest moving & calm doggies you'll ever meet. When God created him he created something so unique and special, I just can't put it into words.

 It started a little over a month ago when he found a hole in the gate of the back yard...and decided the grass was always greener on the other side. We finally got it fixed and thought we were set good again & had him contained. Then he found another hole (somewhere, we still don't know where though) and began his journey of escaping once again.

There are many things I blame for what happened to him. I blame the fact that if I would have only been home literally seconds/minutes earlier from grocery shopping I could have caught him. If I would have went grocery shopping earlier in the day none of this would have happened. If Travis gets home from work and I'm not here he'll let the inside doggies outside to potty very briefly and then let them back inside to be feed. Well, he let Molly, Emma Lou & Oscar all outside to potty...they had only been outside just a few minutes 3 or 4 at the most. But somehow he managed to sneek out fast & set his nose to the ground. He doesn't ever escape that fast once being let outside...but this time he did.

The evening, moment & time will forever be etched into my mind. Autumn and I were jamming to the radio on our way home from the store. She was hungry and a tad cranky so I was doing my "mommy dance" and keeping this girl up in spirit & ready to see daddy just shortly. As we were just yards away from our drive-way driving on our busy Farm Road I seen something stretched out on the road just outside of the middle but I couldn't quite make out what it was. My 1st and immediate thought was to look and see if Travis's work truck was home. It was. My next immediate fear was that Oscar had escaped again & this time it was him. It was. It was like time stopped and my heart was gone. Literally taken from my chest and thrown away. I laid on the horn all the way down the driveway. Pulled the emergency break and threw the door open. Frantically stormed inside screaming to Travis "OSCAR IS DEAD!!!" over and over. It was as if those were the only words I could utter at that moment. Nothing else seemed real. It was literally as if time had stopped and I was going to be stuck in that moment forever. I started hitting him on the back & screaming for him to "go get his body, he's in the middle of the road, go get my baby!".

At the time, Travis was on the phone with someone. I didn't know who & really didn't care. Without blinking twice he hung up the phone and dropped it...took off sprinting out the door. Cars were flying by, as they always do, in a hurried rush on our road. Speeding by as if nothing were there. I had followed Travis outside and I literally dropped to my knees on the bricks just below the porch steps...watching as he went to scoop up our baby off the road. With each second that big hole in my heart just kept growing. I literally could not breath. I was crying so hard that no tears were even coming out. Then all the sudden they started gushing out like Niagra Falls....kid you not they have not stopped since that moment. The pain I'm holding in my eyes and heart seems unreal and unbearable at moments. I know someone is probably reading this thinking how in the world can an animal be that important to someone. I tell you, it is, 100%. If you know me well and know anything about me you'd know I am one of the biggest animal lovers. They are literally a part of our family & they are treated that way. They are a living, breathing creature just as you and I are. They have a heart and they feel pain. They are the one constant thing in my life that will never not show me affection or be upset with me. There have been many rough moments in our lives over the past few months. Never once have my doggies denied my the love I need, snuggles and doggie nose rubs to get through those rough times. God has instilled me with certain qualities and one of the biggest ones is a love for animals, especially pets of my own.

As Travis approached the house he lovingly carried and cradled Oscar and took him back to be burried to let him rest. Within minutes he came to me with loving arms to comfort me and calm me down. I could not catch my breath and didn't want to move an inch as I laid on the bricks in tears. This whole time Autumn was patiently waiting in the car. Car running, music up loud and heater running. She had no clue what had happened & just knew she was happy to be home to Daddy.

The rest of the evening and night was filled with so many words, tears and etc. still just trying to wrap our minds around what all had just happened. All I want is one last sweet Oscar kiss on the nose, to pull the hair back from his big brown eyes and to hug him. That will not happen. The only good-byes to be said were at his grave and cross were he's now resting. My tears are still flowing heavy. Eyes so sore I can barely blink. Eyelids & eyes red and bloodshot.

Travis took 1/2 day off work to be with me this morning & do somethings around the house. He made a beautiful engraved wooden cross for Oscar's grave and trenched it into the ground just above where his head now lays...not on his comfy pillow by the back door but just by the old tree in the backyard, right next to where Savannah rests too. I am not ready to talk about it with anyone. I can barely walk around the house without bursting into tears.

Today was dedicated to making copies of pictures of him from over the years. Mailing off a picture of him and a letter to the editor about the careless people on our road. Our neighbors seen Oscar get hit and said the car obviously wasn't paying attention or didn't car...not to mention they just kept on going after they hit him. Maybe the person that took Oscar's life will read that letter...maybe not. I do know one thing. My little Oscar will never come close to being replaced. It's hard to watch Autumn so innocently pointing to his pictures saying "Osss Caaaa" over and over. Then she wanders to the back door points outside and says "No, No, No...". I also know Emma Lou already knows he's gone & misses him. She stood at the front door this morning howling, looking very somber.

Tears or words can not describe what this feels like and the sweet memories we've been left with. RIP Oscar we love you so much. You will be greatly missed. xoxo

Matthew 5:4
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."